So, Whatcha Want?

Yesterday afternoon I wandered onto my porch to water my little "garden." As I watered my precious petunias and peppers, I listened to the thunder of an incoming storm and pondered my self-imposed to-do list when it occurred to me: I didn't want to do any of those things on my list. What I wanted to do was lie on my porch, stare up at the sky, and watch the storm roll in. And if a nap happened...well, that was okay, too. So, ignoring my dog's confused stare (he was doped up on Benadryl anyway...that's a story for another day) and the vague nagging sensation that a neighbor may misinterpret this as a "fallen and can't get up" situation, I snuggled down into the jute rug, threw my arms behind my head, and stared at the clouds.

Now, why am I telling you this? Because it brought something into sharp focus for me: I don't know what I want. I don't know what I want to do with my day tomorrow, where I want my life to go, what I want to be when I grow up... I have spent so long doing what I'm "supposed" to and what's "expected" that I have lost track of what I want. I know exactly what I don't want, but when I shed that, what do I want to be left? I'm like an escaped prisoner who stops, looks around, and says, "Okay, now what?" So, given that, I've decided to focus on where I want this path to take me. I do know that watching the clouds roll in while surrounded by my plants and my slightly stoned dog fits firmly in the "what I want" column in life.

So, what do you want?